David prepares to leave

Read previous part here.

Two weeks passed as though in a dream. On the outside, everything went on as usual – we took long walks outside when the weather permitted. I carried on with my painting, Catherine with her needlework. By the end of the vacation, I completed portraits of all the little ones, while Catherine had made her first batch of baby things – sweaters, booties, hats and even a blanket.

Aunt Anne started looking at me with an oddly approving way ever since I volunteered to take some ironing off her hands. Don't get me wrong, I didn't suddenly begin to like ironing or something. But Aunt Anne is not feeling her best, that's obvious – and there's a limit to what Catherine can do on her own.

A day before he was to depart, David told us he is sorry to leave so soon.

David, Catherine and I were sitting downstairs next to the fireplace. After a long, full day, Rachel fell asleep in Catherine's lap, and Catherine was gently rocking her while we talked in quiet voices. It was very quiet – the boys were busy doing a puzzle at the opposite corner of the room.

"It must be really interesting in college, isn't it?" I asked.

"Yes," he nodded, "but it's different, all different. The people aren't the same – I'm not the same, Becky. Home is here. " he looked around, his stare tenderly lingering on Rachel's sleeping face, "I'm not even sure how to explain this, but here I feel so real. Now that I've been away for several months, I understand that our parents have always worked on creating a place where each one of us would feel loved and accepted, while being nothing more or less than himself or herself. When I have a home of my own, someday, I would like to give my children a childhood similar to what we had with Mom and Dad. They are extraordinary people."

Extraordinary people. Well, when I first arrived here, it sure seemed extraordinary to me to have no TV and dress in long skirts, not to mention all the other weird religious rituals kept in this house. I felt stifled. But now I sensed that Aunt Anne and Uncle Ben are, indeed, not only weird beyond weird – there's something more about them, even though they can be a pain in the neck. However annoying they might be, I feel welcomed and cared for with them. And in a way, as much as it pained me to admit this, looking at them made me think they are more like what parents should be than my own Mom and Dad ever were.

Our conversation was interrupted by Aunt Anne, who entered the room to remind David to email her and Uncle Ben at least once a week, which David promised he would do.

Priorities

At this season of my life, I'm so occupied by my duties at home - both mentally and physically - that I often become overwhelmed by a pull in different directions. There are, after all, so many books I would like to read; so much writing I would like to do, while I only snatch a moment here and there; so many great blogs I would love to keep up with; so many friends I haven't called in ages. There are so many emails waiting in my inbox, and ungraciously, I am forced to let them sit for weeks.

I'm not saying I don't have any time to do any of those things. I do, after all, read, and write, and talk to my friends. But the time is so very, very limited, and more than ever, I must be cautious not to be sucked into things that might pull me away from what I should really be doing.

Sometimes I feel so burnt out that I can actually sense my mind going numb, to the point when it's hard to keep up with any intellectually challenging reading, or even with the news. I would define this as emotional and intellectual indigestion. Sometimes I wish I had more time for myself, more organized days, more control over my time. But, as I remind myself when it gets tough, I was not sent here to have more time for myself or to have the perfect schedule. I am here to love and serve the people that the Almighty put under my care.

So, the biggest sanity-saver is defining my priorities while going on a "fast" of time-wasters. Not having a TV is a great help, but the internet can steal just as much of your time. I do love to check in on my favorite blogs and websites, but if I sit down to do that (and it doesn't happen every day), I try to limit myself to no more than five blogs or websites per day. I wrote about it extensively in a former post on preventing blogging from taking over your life.

Same goes to talking on the phone and visiting with friends. Around here, I can't get out without stopping to greet at least three neighbors, and most likely to share a few minutes of friendly chat. Personally I'm not a type to schmooze all day long, but I do love a friendly, refreshing conversation. If I'm talking on the phone, I can usually do other things around the house in the meantime, so I don't regard this as a waste of time at all, even in the midst of a busy day.

On the upside, not having that much time for myself means I appreciate more the time I do have. If I read a book or an article on the internet, it will be a really good one. If I'm meeting a friend, it's like a small celebration. If I chance to spend half an hour on the couch curled up with some handcraft, I truly savor every moment.

Sometimes, however, there is no choice but to go on an information/activity diet, and focus on just what's important, if we don't want the order in our homes to go to ruin. Take a deep breath and be patient, and remember - for every thing there is a season.

A bit more about looking nice at home

In response to yesterday's discussion about looking presentable at home, I would like to thank you all for contributing your opinion and sharing your experience. I hadn't realized there is actually a trend of going out in pajamas and slippers, I took it for granted that people get dressed when they go out, but apparently this isn't true everywhere.

I invite you to check out a new addition to my list of modest clothing websites - KosherCasual. Their clothes for girls and women represent just what I think home wear should look like - they are modest and wouldn't make you blush if there are unexpected visitors at the door, yet they also look very comfy. Their prices are not bad either.

Personally I have never ordered clothes via the internet, because I like to see and feel what I'm buying and I'm blessed to live in Israel where we have no lack of modest clothes stores, but if I lived elsewhere, where modest and comfortable clothes are hard to come by (and several ladies who wrote to me complained of just that), I think I would consider ordering from KosherCasual.

You can also check out the KosherCasual blog.

Being presentable at home

I sometimes wonder how it happens that we wives and mothers often appear in the least attractive form to the people who love us the most, and who matter to us the most: our husbands and children.

I understand, of course, that home is a place to relax and feel comfortable, and I'm not talking about prancing around in high heels around the clock. I also understand the demands on the time of a busy mother, which often make us unable to wear make-up, groom our nails, or invest in other small details of caring for our appearance.

However, when we go out, even if it's just a quick trip to the grocery store, we don't wear pajamas, no matter how busy we are. We comb our hair (or at least I used to, before I got married and started wearing head scarves!). We might dress casually, but we still make ourselves presentable enough so we won't blush when we meet a neighbor along the way. This, I think, is a minimal reasonable level of decent appearance we ought to maintain at home as well, for the sake of our loved ones.

If your husband works outside the home, most likely he meets young, attractively dressed women every hour of every day. Even if he is the perfect family man, he can't help but notice the contrast when he comes home.

I wrote about this topic before, when I was still single. I must say dressing decently at home was easier while I didn't have an energetic little one to keep me on my toes, but still, my opinion remains largely the same.

I'm not always dressed up at home, but I do make a point to appear at my best at home in front of my husband, and not just when we go out. If I only dressed nicely for other people, what sort of message would my husband get?

In the long run, fueling a husband's attraction will be much more important to a woman's happiness than what other people think of her. I think our efforts should be distributed accordingly.

Images from the beginning of winter

It is the beginning of winter, even if it doesn't feel like it, with all the warm sunshine we've been getting lately. The mountains are preparing to welcome the rain.
Pine cones on the ground.

Cyclamens preparing to blossom.
Braided challah straight out of the oven.

The makings of a Shabbat

Pita bread looks good, doesn't it? Challah is more traditional, but pita goes better with the salads I normally serve at the beginning of the meal. But whatever we choose to make, my husband is quite the baker.

There are so many things to do it makes me feel slightly disoriented. Cooking and cleaning and ironing... fortunately, I have my to-do list to keep me on track.

A bit about observing Shabbat

I get many questions via email about Shabbat observance in our home, so I thought I would write a bit about it here.

The matters of Shabbat are so multiple and there is no way I will be able to discuss them all right now, so I'll just start by saying that the purpose of Shabbat is, of course, rest, though non-Jews are not expected or supposed to observe Shabbat in the same way Jews do.

For us, the types of work forbidden on the day of Shabbat are explicitly described so there is no problem defining what isn't supposed to be done. A general rule is not doing creative work (which would include painting as well as cooking) and not preparing for the upcoming week, which means that we don't sit around on Shabbat talking about what we are going to do tomorrow. This allows us to recharge mentally.

Naturally, there is still "work" to be done, such as serving meals and clearing up the table later, not to mention there's a baby to take care of, diapers to change, and dishes to wash.

Speaking of dishes, I wash mine. I simply don't have enough plates, cutlery, glasses and serving dishes to last me through the three Shabbat meals without washing up. So I wash what I need for Shabbat itself - I try to wash up the pots before Shabbat, but if I'm stuck with dirty pots, they wait until the Shabbat ends, because I wouldn't need them during Shabbat. I know families who simply let it all (dishes, glasses, etc) sit in the sink until the end of Shabbat. I don't do any wash up between the third meal and the end of Shabbat, because that's a period of time when we don't eat.

We heat our meals by using a Shabbat hot plate. A Shabbat hot plate is a simple device to keep food hot, but not hot enough to cook the food (as opposed to leaving the food on the stove). It turns on according to a pre-set clock so we have time to heat the food before meals. While I was single I didn't have a hot plate so I just ate cold food on Shabbat.

Other details of Shabbat: bathing the baby

Theoretically, I would be allowed to bathe the baby, but there's a problem with heating water on Shabbat, so I bathe her on Friday afternoon, and then her next bath is Saturday night.

Brushing our hair:

Brushing one's hair is forbidden on the day of Shabbat because hairs might get pulled out, but we can smooth out hair using one's hand. By the way we never had to brush Shira's hair yet, because it's so sleek.

Training children in Shabbat observance:

We always have Shira at the table with us during kiddush and meal times, and if she happens to touch something that we don't touch on Shabbat (like an electric appliance, a pencil, etc) we tell her "no. It's Shabbat!" - she will understand eventually.

Tending to animals:

Generally, there is no problem tending to the animals - your animals, just like your family members, need to eat, after all! And if you have a dog it must be taken out for a walk, Shabbat or no Shabbat.

I think it's very important that other family members pitch in with Shabbat chores (serving meals, clearing up) as well. I've been saddened to see families where people sit leisurely around the table, while the mother spends the entire meal dashing every minute to get this or that for one of the children, her husband, or the several guests that were invited. There is also the mad race from Friday morning till afternoon (you Jewish wives surely understand what I'm talking about!). Shabbat is supposed to be entered peacefully, not in a state of collapse from exhaustion.